It was only a matter of time following the Brexit referendum that campaigners started calling for a return to selling fruit and vegetables byimperial weights and measures.
According to various reports in the papers today, so-called 'metric martyrs' are seizing on Brexit as a chance to insist we go back to the good ol' days of pounds and ounces. None other than the British Weights and Measures Association (BWMA) has reported being inundated with enquiries from no less than 'one or two shops' every week, but reckons that is just the 'tip of the iceberg'.
The BWMA, incidentally, is an organisation so in touch with the modern world that its most recent consumer survey was carried out for Teletext in 2006. But it seems to have its finger on the pulse with this one, so let's run with it.
The campaign has found a supporter in Eurosceptic Tory MP Peter Bone, who is quoted as saying: 'It makes a lot of sense for people to be able to ask to have products in pounds and ounces – it makes sense and is one of the advantages of coming out of the EU.”
So let's all just forget about the metric system that we've all taken the time to learn and go back to the 1980s, shall we? While we're at it, we can ship those pesky Renault, BMW, Citroen, Fiat and other continentally produced cars back across the Channel too, and instead all drive around in British-owned... oh.
Don't get me wrong, I have some wonderful memories of the 1980s - my first album (a-Ha, since you ask), spectacular hairdos, vintage Glenn Hoddle and Pac-Man. Though let's just brush football hooliganism, the Falklands war, the Poll Tax, miners' strike and the like under the carpet, shall we? After all, the imperial system gave everything a warm glow of everything being okay.
Funnily enough, businesses are already allowed to use imperial units alongside metric, and even on their own on products such as draught beer, bottled milk and on road traffic signs.
As an aside I have a theory that this whole Brexit thing is a colossal waste of time. We will spend 10 years negotiating our exit and then, by the time everything finally falls into place, the younger generation who all voted Remain will come into power and take us back into the EU.
Of course, the only fair way to decide such key issues as weights and measures is to have a referendum, or at least resurrect Teletext to carry out a survey. If the pro-imperial lobby needs a figurehead, I've heard Michael Gove is available.
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